diatribe

Main Entry: diatribe
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: harangue, criticism
Synonyms: abuse, castigation, denunciation, disputation,


Wide awake. Been reading some stuff that has provoked alot of thought the past half hour or so, makes me feel two emotions; Anger towards peoples self-centered worries, sometimes I feel proper invisible, like I'm willing to make effort in certain areas but it's not reciprocated. It's like if you felt like you were there for someone, but they would never notice that, can be abit of a wind up sometimes, like you're they're when it suits kind of thing.

The second emotion I felt upon certain reading is that I am more than ready to look at the future and how I am going to tread my own path in the world. I'm going to begin writing stuff about my every day, I feel my ability is getting pushed the more I scribble in my notepads, and keeping a blog has provided me with confidence. I want to move to London, and completely tread my path, move down alone, obviously when the time is right, more so when I have the funds to do so, but the city lights motivate me; I thought thats what I'd be getting in Sheffield, but it's still a growing city, it's a good place, it just doesn't have enough identity for me. I'm considering that it'd be a positive thing to move elsewhere, say for my third year of university. Surely if it crosses your mind it's worth looking at in a realistic manner with a suitable timescale to make an accurate decision.

I feel like I could be turning into abit of prick, but completely don't mind, which is why I think I must be turning into abit of a prick. I find the need to lash out at people; I've been nicey nicey to everyone since I've moved away, which has provided me with alot of friends, positive? You'd think so. Not when you find yourself worried at what people think and feel as if you are selling yourself short in order to fit in around certain people. Being at home the past few weeks has made me realise that time after time certain people in my life influence me far too much. At the time they do not mean to what so ever, they can sometimes be on the very fringes of my life, others have been much closer to you.

Basically, returning home to my real friends has made me see that I have no need to compensate for how I wish to dress, my views, or anything. I need to get used to the fact that I'm ready to disagree and not get along with people, because in that case, I'd rather be happy to make any impact in someones life (in this case, causing them some form of disagreement, which could well be a stronger emotion) than to just be someone they kind of knew and thought was alright.



SUP THE FUCK UP.
X